My matrescence began with my first birth.
I desired a natural, primal, unmedicated water birth.
I did hypnobirthing…
but I quickly realised this was only one part of the birth preparation.
And I had to peel back layers.
I knew our wombs keep score, just like our bodies.
But our wombs also carry the thread of the women before us.
Their stories. Their fears. Their silencing.
I knew I had to meet that.
And as I did…
I realised the grieving of the maiden starts in pregnancy.
Because maiden doesn’t birth.
Mother does.
I grieved the friendships that quietly disappeared. The ones who stopped inviting me places. Catching up privately, hoping I wouldn’t notice.
I grieved the freedom to run out the door. Sunrise yoga on the beach. Writing in my journal for as long as I wanted.
I grieved my work... knowing the therapist I once was
could never exist the same way again.
I grieved the way my partner held me. The hours we had just for us.
Those deeply present moments.
And honestly, I still grieve. Not my maiden self anymore… but moments that once were.
I believe like any grief, it doesn’t just disappear, but it softens and shift.
I felt the intensity of rage for the way my world shifted. It was a co-existing resentment, mixed with deep gratitude.
Even though I deeply desired motherhood… I was angry about what I had to release.
So many women bypass this... Because we’re told “don’t lose yourself.”
But I believe we must let parts of ourselves go. Because some identities, even once loved, do not journey into motherhood with us.
And that is fucking okay.
I felt my roar as I birthed my first son. And I witnessed something ancient in it.
That roar…is the voice motherhood demands of us...Yet society has buried her and has taken the roar away for so many women.
Mother was born the moment my baby landed on my womb.
I had to find my voice, speak my truth, stand in my sovereignty.
Birth made her louder. Postpartum stripped her bare.
It showed me all the ways I had to keep dancing with death and rebirth.
I then realised matrescence isn’t a one-time initiation.
It asks us to meet ourselves again…
and again…
and again.
If we rush it, if we don’t sit in it with intention…
we never fully embody mother.
When I fell pregnant with my second, my embodiment grew louder.
I was deeper in my body. Stronger in my voice. Anchored in my wild feminine.
And when I freebirthed my second son,
I realised… I was walking another threshold.
A deeper initiation. From mother…
to MOTHER.
I now do this work not from the list of all my qualification, but from a place of deep deep embodiment.
I do this work because our wombs carry lineage.
Stories. Beliefs. Nervous systems.
Generation after generation, we’ve been taught:
Mother must look a certain way. Sound a certain way. Be small. quiet, abandon parts of herself.
I am here to walk beside women, as they remember what it means to be in their body, in their feminine.
Wild. Alive. Erotic. Soft. Loud. Primal.
MOTHER. WOMAN.
I don’t do this work from qualifications alone.
I do it from embodiment...
At 20 years old, fresh out of my double degree in Psychology, Criminology & Justice,
I was working in youth justice as a case manager for young offenders.
I was sitting with trauma, Courts, Families, Broken systems.
And what became painfully clear?
Nothing changed if the parents didn’t do their inner work.
So, I began my own journey.
Yoga, Meditation, Teacher training, somatics...
Learning the body as medicine.
I moved into holistic counselling, still working with youth,
running wellbeing programs, holding space in new ways.
And again… the same truth:
If mothers aren’t supported to meet themselves,
they cannot hold their children the way they need.
Patterns kept repeating, in relationships, in homes., in nervous systems.
So, I dove deeper...
Brain–body medicine, Ancestral work, Nervous system healing.
And then… I fell pregnant.
Because I don’t just teach this work.
I embody it.
That’s when womb work found me, orrrrr maybe… I finally listened.
And everything started weaving together:
lineage, patterns, motherhood, relationships.
I opened to Reiki and became a master.
Met ancestors in the womb spaces of women I worked with, and met my own
I could no longer abandon the healer in me. Every qualification, every job, every initiation was preparing me to hold this depth.
To hold women. Mothers. Wombs.
What an honour it is!